Of Morals and Morality

Sometimes I wonder whether morality is just a lack of imagination. Maybe it is just the inability to break free from the ‘values’ or the constructions of good and bad that the society has ingrained in us. It is possible to justify anything and everything. In the end it makes one wonder whether there is anything such as ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Right and wrong is not a universal truth but it is just one view point that society has adopted and which its members accept.

Somewhere in the long history of mankind, society decided that monogamy is a good thing. However, I know very few people who are strictly monogamous. Most of the people I know have never ‘physically’ cheated but that does not mean that they have never felt anything for a person of opposite sex inspite of being ‘in a relationship’. I know people who have trained themselves to never indulge in ‘unfaithful’ thoughts. But I wonder at what stage you cross the yardstick of being faithful. Thinking a guy is cute is ok but thinking about kissing the guy is not. For some, thinking about anything is ok but acting upon it not. Don’t these demarcations look artificial? In the end, the concept of monogamy and being faithful appears to promote hypocrisy. Since no one can read your thought you can indulge yourself in your imagination but if you actually do something then it will be unfaithfulness.

However, on the other hand, open relationships appear to be meaningless to me. I do not see them as wrong. In fact I admire people who can feel secure and content in such a relationship. But I don’t see the point of sharing myself with someone unless I know the person is mine.

Another moral standard which puzzles me is respect for elders. No matter what a being idiot or what a despicable a person is, you are supposed to respect the person just because he was born before you. I have been in so many conversations where the ‘elders’ are talking nonsense but I get scolded if I argue with them. You are supposed to be rude, arrogant, impolite and ill-mannered if you merely state your point of view which contradicts an ‘elder’.

Some of these norms seem to have been built to avoid unpleasantness. Women should shut up before men. And kids should shut before adults. Everyone should start discussing dinner if two people start arguing.

Also, what problem does the society have with just simple, innocent fun? It you want to go to see new places with your friends then your family gets scared and think you are slipping from their control. I have been told in accusatory tunes – ‘bahut ghumne lagi ho’. Well, yes I have, and I intend to keep doing so. I love going to new places and I don’t see what is wrong in that. If I am ‘awara’ then so be it but I hate being inside and I refused to be confined in my room till my body is too exhausted.

Among all the things, the most irritating thing is double standards of the society. Men roam around with their disgustingly hairy legs in shortest of shorts and it is acceptable. However, if a girl wears a short skirt then she gets disapproving (and other) looks. Also, why are women forced to undergo more pain than men? Men are not expected to get their eyebrows made or get waxing done but women have to pretend that their body never had any hair. Men are not expected to paint their faces but women have to be painted like a peacock in order to be considered attractive.

In last, I do not like the morals, traditions and culture imposed on me which wants me to behave in a particular way and accept certain standards as right. I believe I have the intelligence to decide what is right and wrong (if there is anything like that) and find my own moral standards.

Three Cities I love

Mumbai

In my life if i ever experienced love at first sight then it will be with Mumbai. This city is full of life. If you like living life in fast lane then Mumbai is the city for you. Here you find people from all over the country. There is always something more to do and there is something for everyone - from a walk down marine drive to partying to sight seeing. It is a city where you cant get bored. Its difficult to stand still here. There is always someone behind you who is in a hurry to get somewhere. Here, you work hard and party harder. In Mumbai people expect the things (products and services) to be the best and are not satisfied with mediocrity. The food meets this standard. Although am not a personal fan of vda pau but the street food is perfect. You find good find on the streets, in average restaraunts and in expensive elite hotels. Same goes for shopping. Everywhere you look you see colour, people and activity. In this city life flashes past you in a mermerizing display leaving you stunned and overwhelmed. Mumbai gave me a much needed 'breath of fresh hair' (in the only way this city can). I felt as if I have been again, anew in this city. But what I love most about the city is the freedom (if u ignore the Hindu brigade of coz).

Kolkata

In Kolkata life is slow and steady. You work but slowly and peacefully. There is no rush to complete anything. You enjoy your life with leisure, sleep and food. On a Sunday everyone sits back at home and the only sign on life is on restaraunts. Food is great and cheap. This city has culture and a particular identity of its own. From Victorian Memorial to small temples - all speak about the identity of the people in this city. At the same time it accepts you without imposing its own cultural standards. I like the philosophy of live and let live. In the same park you can find families as well as couples. This is the city where you should setlle in if you are a romantic at heart. Its got a mix of love, culture and philosphy in the air. Things which are very important in this city are - food, sleep, football, smoking and Bengali language, dresses etc. You can see why so many poets and authors are from this city.

Delhi

Delhi is in my blood, soul and thoughts. I am Delhi. To the outsiders Delhi is same as Punjabi culture and Delhihites are loud, show-offs and arrogant. But having lived in the city I know that what people outside I can see is a prominent but still just a part of Delhi. Hidden behind this smokescreen are people from all parts of the country. In fact till some years back different areas in Delhi had a different culture depending on the dominant population. I love Delhi food. In Delhi there is variety and spice in food and in life. You can find the most stunning old architecture, beautiful parks, nice crowded markets and a little bit of everything else. You also have metro, posh restaraunts and hep markets. I am told quite often I am not a proper Delhihite but I am more of Delhihite than proper Delhihites. I have seen all parts and all shades of this city which keeps surprising me. If I think about it I have been made by Delhi which is why I like everything from roadside dhabba to a five star, from stroll on street to a formal dinner at an expersive restaraunt.

Guilty of believing in love

This time accusation comes from near and dear ones. My crime is that I need people and I want to share my life with someone. I believe in love and I believe in love amounting to making a special place for that special person in your life. Too romantic? Unrealistic? Childish? I plead guilty.

I am a normal human who was for a large time comfortable with being lonely (it was just being happy with yourself) for a long time. However, now I feel the need to share my life, thoughts and feelings with someone. Isnt this the instinct which is making us blog. Sorry I am not a robot who just does the things she is supposed to. I have feelings and emotions and I do unreasonable things. Why do I have to be reasonable? Anyways, I have my own standards of what is reasonable.

This time I am being punished that I believed in love and that I will have someone my own to whom I will be special and who will love me, cherish me and all the nonsence that I should have never dreamt of. But still, am I wrong?

Story of the Smile

The smile creeps slowly on her face. Like a stream of water finding its way accross dry land. It seems to visit rarely. But sometimes it just comes unexpectedly, a little shly like a newly wedded wife. First the corners twitch giving a hint and then it breaks into its full glory like the sunlight through parted clouds. This precious smile which was second nature to her is now a rare guest. But when it does come it lights the whole dark corridor of passage of time.

That smile seems to hold so many secrets - frank yet seems to suggest so many mysteries. Its innocent but very old. It has seen a lot so it doesn't come out so openly now. But there is noone to look at that smile. There is no one other than her to whom that smile matters. There is noone to wait anxiously for that smile and to match it with one's own smile. There is noone whose day brightens up by that smile. No wonder it hides away more and more each day.

'Shit' ty Luck

Those days which become practical implementation of Murphy's Law come too frequently when you don't want them to (which just means Murphy's Law doesn't make any mistake because it chooses the days where things go worse from bad easily). The reason I am talking about this is because of a pink kurta. Yes, I love that kurta and really wanted to wear it to my internship. The first time i decided to wear it the bus was late and I was patiently waiting from it when suddenly something warm fell on my hand and the side of Kurta. One look at my hand directed my gaze upwards towards the sky where i saw a pigeon sitting on the telephone line surveying its handiwork and satisfied with the result it flapped its wings and flew away. I and my friend quickly washed my hand and kurta and one of my two new Hankerchiefs (those towel ones) was sacrificed in the process.

Today, I knew I was not going to have a pleasant day as I had to meet my boss RNJ for showing the draft of our work and everyone in the office knows you can't have a pleasant day if you have to get some work approved by him. However, undaunted, I looked forward towards end of my internship and subsequent shopping. So i decided to wear my now washed pink Kurta again.

For the first time the bus we take was late forcing me and my friend to find an alternate route of reaching office. The weather decided to be especially hot today and our route involved a long walk to the office. When we were near office and I was looking forward to get inside AC i saw another law in practice - "History repeats itself". I could have sworn it was the same sadist pigeon. This time the shot was accurate and it fell right in the middle./

Sigh....

Lets see what more happens today.

In the end I will sit in some ice cream parlour with a big chocolate ice cream and this bad day would be passe then.

Being a Woman

What I can not understand is why a woman can't go through her life without being humiliated or insulted for being a woman? I don't think there is any woman who hasn't been felt up, whistled at or eve teased. It is often mistaken that eve teasing and feeling up women is due to uncontrollable sexual desires of men. This is not the right notion. These depraved creatures only want sadistic pleasure out of humiliating and putting someone down. Its an attempt to feel superior by harassing someone and showing that person as weaker.

If it was a result of sexual desires then there is no reason why it would be targeted to women of all ages from little girls to old women. It doesnt matter how you dress and where you are as my recent encounter in a so-called safe city when I was wearing a salwar suit showed me. Also, why should it only be done by men against women. There is no reason to suppose men have more sexual desires than women. The only reason behind it is patriarchy which gives men a stronger and a superior position over women. Patriarchal thinking believes in keeping women at a lower pedestal and it manifests itself as eve teasing in today's ear where women seem to be catching up with women and entering public arena. It is merely an attempt to make the public sphere uncomfortable and unequal for women.

When we are all talking about cultural diversity, finally, one things seems common to all places - need to insult women and show them as inferior. Unfortunately, the thought is very reassuring. The helplessness and humiliation felt in such encounters is not unfamiliar to most of us. Instead of fighting this 'phenomenon' (its almost a tradition now) it is used as an excuse to tie women to the four walls of their house. As long as we women keep on facing these incidents there can not be any real equality between men and women.

Only if social ethos condemn these practices (which I consider to be an offshoot of patriarchy and not much different from domestic violence etc) can women walk on roads freely without fear. What we need to know is how to handle such incidents?

Firstly, what to do in such a situation. Secondly, that it is not the woman's fault. It should not be blamed on her clothes or the late hours etcetera. It is a crime and the criminal is at fault and not the victim. Thirdly, we should not keep quite about it. Suffering silently only encourages the man. There is no need to be afraid about public opinion. If any eve teasing incident happens then you should create a noise about it. We should stop double victimization of women and should stop blaming them for these incidents. There is nothing such as a 'small' or 'minor' incident. Each incident is humiliating, suffocating and bothering. Police can not refuse to register a case merely because they think its minor. Do the best you can in such a situation. I know mostly we are caught off guard and the only result is being told by our well wishers to sit at home but probably we can find ways to get back by shouting, getting help, complaining or just discussing it.

Cubbon Park

Bangalore is a city which is know for its parks. However, people tend to go back to MG road, Brigade, Commercial Street etc for hanging out. Bored of the same old places, my friends and I decided to go visit someplace different from the shopping areas. After a lot of browsing on net for the places to go to I finally suggested that we should go the Cubbon Park and the idea got immediate approval. Cubbon Park is a nice plain stretch with lots of trees and some rocks which gives it a look of a forest. It is a good place to go for picnic with friends or for an early morning walk. My friends and I walked around the park, climbed the rocks and enjoyed the nice greenery around us. Relatively clean and with lots of places to sit and talk, Cubbon Park has something to offer for everyone.

What made the day better was the aquarium near Cubbon Park which is the second largest aquarium in India. With fishes in all kinds of shapes and sizes and colour, the aquarium was a delight for all three of us and soon all of us had decided on our favourite fishes.

Next we went to Bal Bhavan which is inside the Cubbon Park where we enjoyed the cheap but fun rides, pop corns, chatting and screaming with people of all ages. And yes we did not forget to buy balloons.

In total the visit to Cubbon Park is one of the most exciting and fun trips in Bangalore. It is a nice place to relax, have fun and let your hair loose. You can have the simple, uncomplicated fun without spending much money.

The Cubbon Park was worth a second visit and this time I went with my two cousins (one four year old and the other around twelve).

PS: Dont forget your camera.